The Magnetic Pull of Your Judgments
by Charlie Badenhop
"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest. A kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
Have you ever sat and wondered why some of your most important relationships can be so contentious? If so, you might want to consider how being judgmental can easily lead to serious breakdowns with others. When engaged in challenging relationships, the more you're able to refrain from finding fault with and distancing yourself from others, the more likely you are to live an emotionally fulfilling life. Not always an easy task, but one that's well worth pursuing. Once you realize your own model of the world is flawed and riddled with numerous contradictions, you'll be much better able to forgive the shortcomings of others.
If you encounter certain kinds of problematic relationships over and over again, you'll do well to consider how you attract certain people to you, like a magnet attracts metal filings. You can begin to appreciate the strength of your magnet, by simply noticing who you attract and who you repel. The power of your judgments (even when not spoken out loud) can really be awesome!
When you're able to dissolve the judgment or opposition you have towards others, you'll usually find you spontaneously heighten your ability to engage in mutually fulfilling relationships. When you accept that to some extent you and your counterpart are BOTH right and wrong, you free yourself to learn and adapt, rather than dissipating your energy "fighting against". When you free yourself from finding fault and fighting, you're much better able to defend yourself and get what you rightfully deserve. This is a basic principle of Aikido.
When you place your focus on maintaining a cooperative relationship rather than attempting to determine who is "the most correct", you wind up becoming more solution oriented, and the challenging relationships in your life take on new meaning. When the meaning you attach to what transpires between you and others changes, so will your emotional state. When you're at peace with the world you slow down the pace and rhythm of your speech and actions, and breathe more freely and easily. When you do this you'll find the world is more at peace with you, and the people you interact with will feel accepted and respected, and respond in kind.
Life is not out to attack, punish, or take advantage of you. Life is out to supportively teach you what you need to learn, in order to fulfill your purpose for living. The same I believe is true with the vast majority of people you meet. At times, some part of your self will call out imploring you to slow down and be more receptive to how you're attracting the people and experiences you don't want. This is much the same as a baby crying out because it's hungry. Rather than finding fault with the crying voice, please find a way to nourish yourself with loving compassion.
In the end, each person wants to feel loved, accepted and protected. Find a way to give others the gift you yourself so dearly desire, and you'll transform your relationships, and gain the sense of being truly appreciated by others.