by Alun Jones
It’s very easy in life to get into the habit of blaming other people and situations for things that happen to us that we don’t like. “We didn’t have a good day at the beach because the weather wasn’t that good”. “I didn’t have a good time as a child because my parents did X to me”. “I got really frustrated at the delay because the man in front of me in the queue took ages”. And so on.
Do you see one of the key words in all those sentences is the word “because”. Cause and effect. This happened because of that. We live in a cause and effect world – which is not necessarily a bad thing. However, it can be unhelpful when we get into the belief that everything that happens to us or around us is because of something or someone else rather than ourselves.
Being realistic, how long can we really go on blaming other people from our past for what’s going on in our lives right now? Is it really that helpful to hang onto all that resentment towards something that is no longer in our lives? Two good questions to ask ourselves when we realize we’re hanging onto resentment are: “how is this serving me now?”, and “how could my life be different and better if I were to let it go for good?”
You see, another thing about this prolific “blame culture” that currently exists is that it stops us taking responsibility for ourselves, where we are, and where we’re going. It’s a get out clause. An excuse. A reason to not move ourselves forward and stay in a place of stagnation and fear – and a place of “feeling sorry for ourselves”. After all, if we get people to feel sorry for us then they’ll make our life better for us. Won’t they? Well they may try at first, but in the end those people tend to disengage from us – temporarily or permanently.
Of course, we all need a bit of help now and then, and that’s not a bad thing at all. It gives others the opportunity to be of service, and for us and them to learn, experience, and share. However, there comes a time we need to give something back to them (or someone else) and ourselves. I love the phrase “God helps those who help themselves” and, religious beliefs aside, I find that life does seem to work like that. The more we take responsibility for who we are, where we are, and where we’re going, the more the Universe/Life supports us in that.
There is so much change happening in the world around us right now that we just don’t have the time to wallow in old blame and resentment to others, or blame it for where we are right now. How many people need to disengage from us before we learn that we’re not helping ourselves by dwelling on past events and situations, or taking responsibility for choosing where to go next? Imagine how fantastic and wonderful life would be if no one blamed anyone else or anything else for anything. If we all lovingly connected with the peaceful soul within, and took responsibility for where we are right now, and what we are creating for the future.
We all have a choice about how we respond to something – or whether we react. Just because someone else is choosing to be angry or fearful, doesn’t mean that we have to be too. Recognizing where we’re letting our ego self get the better of us is the first step to reconnecting with the beautiful, loving, Authentic Self we really are. When we do realize it, we can ask ourselves those questions:1) how is this serving me?, and 2) how could life be better if I could let it go for good?